This post is publicly available, which is a rarity for anything other than my show's playlist or my twitter feed. I will crosspost it in my Facebook for people who might be interested.
Jer Lance's recent posts about certain behaviors at cons got me thinking about something.
I have been sexually harassed by men I once considered friends, in the recent past.
I have told these men that I am not interested in them in any way, and that I do not appreciate flirting, or touching, passive-aggressive commentary to make me look bad because I don't want them, or anything else. They have not ceased their unwanted attentions in my direction, enough so that I have had to block them from my journals and other online media and have had to stop attending events (both online and in real life) that they would be present at, from room parties to Skype chats to even considering skipping on an entire con because they would continue to pursue their interest despite my quite-plain lack thereof.
Consider this. I had never seen an actual Nick Atoms concert before, aside from the Joker-interrupted concert last year at MarsCon. Yet, this unwanted behavior from two members of the Dementia Radio community was enough for me to give actual consideration to not going to this year's con, the biggest con of the year for the Dementia crowd.
I went to the con because I really wanted to see other members of the community, meet Sinstress for the first (and hopefully not the last) time, see the Nick Atoms in a proper concert, and hang out with the Minnesota crowd that we only get to see once a year. This is *huge*. And I was giving serious consideration to not going.
However, I was *still* very much uncomfortable, because they were there, and it was clear to me that at least one of them was still interested in continuing his puppy-dog predations against my person. I had to go out of my way to avoid both of them. One of them at least refrained from trying to talk to me, and for that, I thank him. The other... I have heard from multiple trustworthy sources that he not only whined about how 'unfriendly' I was to him because I simply went out of my way to ignore he existed, but he took the object of MY desire to task for how my friend and my friendship was going down. I understand Nateboi also gave said object shit too, but Nateboi is my friend, and I know he cares about me and hates when his friends are in pain. Nateboi has the right to say stuff, and have fun trying to get him *not* to. But this other person, this one who wants me and I do *NOT* want him... does not have this right. He is not my friend. He has not been my friend for years, and I am not a bitch or a whore or any other negative female term because I don't like him and don't appreciate his antics. I am not the person who should get shunned, because I said no, and I bloody well mean no. I should be the one treated with more respect because I had the balls to stand up and say no, and be willing to bring this to light, to not hide it, and not spend my con time hiding from my friends or otherwise being uncomfortable or unhappy because my only choices were to put up with it or to go somewhere else and miss out on all the fun. I'm not the one who should leave, they should. I'm not doing anything wrong. They are. And at this point, I refuse to deny myself the fun I would have at a con because someone else should learn some respect and boundaries and get the fuck over themselves and stop being a sexual harasser.
I have *TRIED* to be polite and keep this quiet and private, told him more than once privately that I do not appreciate his behavior toward me. He has not stopped. I have no other choice than go to public with this, because I'm not the only person he has harassed.
It is harassment when someone (male or female) tells you that they do not want to be around you and yet you still pursue them and try to force interactions such as talking, touching, or worse.
It is harassment when you throw whiny 'it's breaking my heart that so-and-so doesn't like me' comments to their friends and try to stir up sympathy for your cause amongst our mutual friends.
I do *NOT* have to play well with others when I have expressly told someone to leave me alone and they don't. I can and will stand up for myself, regardless of whether the harasser is best friends with everyone else in the Dementia community and is otherwise well-regarded amongst the community for whatever else they bring to the table. I can and will name names if I have to, in public, in front of everyone else, and I will be quite happy to embarrass my harasser if he does not stop his bullshit.
The Dementia community should *NOT* tolerate sexual harassment or brush it aside or give shit to the people who are made uncomfortable by the predators in our midst. We should look out for each other, we should defend our community's members from being made to feel as if our only choice is to simply leave the community or absent themselves from community events because they might get hit on by someone they despise or makes them uncomfortable to be around.
The Dementia community, if it still wants to be called a community, needs to wake up and start realizing that we're not just a collection of people who like some of the same kind of music. Just because we like comedy music, that doesn't mean that everything we say or do should be funny or be treated lightly. Curtis isn't the only sexual predator in our midst. Anyone, male or female, who tries to hit on, talk to, touch, or otherwise harass someone else who has told them "NO!" is a sexual predator, and we must *NOT* tolerate their behavior. That sort of behavior must cease or the person in question should be banned from our community, as Curtis was.
To do otherwise, is to say it's okay.
AND IT IS NOT OKAY.
I will give my harasser one last chance to stop the talking smack about me because I told him no, to stop trying to force conversation, to stop trying to hug me in front of the other members of the community. If I have to say anything about this topic again, I will name names. This is his last chance to save any sort of face by backing down and simply doing a very tiny and easy thing: LEAVE ME ALONE.
I don't want your company. I don't want to talk to you. I don't want you to touch me. I don't want you to stand near me in the vain hopes you have an excuse to brush your hand on me. I don't want you to talk smack about me or whine to my friends that I'm unfriendly to you. I don't know how much more clear I can be on this matter.
NO MEANS NO.
If you can't stop yourself, please seek professional help, because your obsession is unhealthy, and I will take steps to defend myself if you cannot leave me alone.
I am done with this. It ends now, or we're going to handle this like adults do in the real world.
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